this was a great article with some good ideas.
from Tea Parties Take the Cake By Elaine Kordares...
Tea Party Preparation
Start with innovative invitations. For a girls' birthday tea party, cut out invitations shaped as teapots or send each guest a small teacup with an invitation attached or painted on the cup. Or use floral note cards or postcards.
Purchase or borrow the necessary items for your tea gatherings. You'll need 1 or more china teapots for intimate gatherings. Cups and saucers may be matching, but create interest with a variety of patterns. For sugar, always use cubes in a sugar bowl with sugar tongs for serving. Serve milk, not cream. Have teaspoons, lemon slices in a dish with a small fork, serving utensils for cake, forks, and knives for jam.
Don't forget the music: classical or vintage
Use candles to create ambience.
Serve a colorful variety of petit fours, scones, sugar cookies, and of course, chocolate.
Set out bouquets of pink and white flowers.
Take Polaroid snapshots of guests to add to the fun and chatter.
Ask guests to dress up complete with heels, hats, and gloves
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