Soul Sunshine

I need a deep soak in some soul sunshine
sticky joy for repairs and sticking together the broken parts.
I need quiet and time and calm moments with
no expectations and no legal tender.
Just a sunny patch of peace and maybe even a little prosperity.
Ending months of stress and disappointment.
But seems like it is not yet to be.
Just need to grab little bits of beauty where I find them
And keep my strength up.

Wintery Heart

Feeling clear, cold and blue.
Just like a December morning in Tokyo.
The detachment is helpful in the chaos.

pulled and pushed

Things are more than a bit out of control.
pulled like crazy in too many directions and making mistakes
for everyone
behind, on everything
and just trying to hang on.

Pitfalls, Potholes, and Hidden Tacks

Sometimes watching out
for hidden tacks and slippery slopes
is a full time job.

Droopy sunny heads and blossoms

Droopy summer sunflowers
I am alternately energetic and wilted
optimistic and overwhelmed
skilled and screwed up
as the blue hazy skies change from clear to cloudy and back again
and the heat rolls off the city streets

2 1/2 action packed years

When I think about the last two 1/2 years and try to figure out what has happened and what it all means, I come to the conclusion that more than any time in my recent past- this past 30 months have been all about doing stuff I had no idea how to do. Sometimes doing it successfully, sometimes not so much. But doing lots of learning all along the way. I have made some HUGE mistakes- and hopefully have learned from them. And I have pushed the boundaries of what I thought I could do. I hope I can keep doing that for as long as I am here.

it is all about the food

I am working on new ideas, as I try to execute the old ones.
it's a tougher balancing act than I thought it would be.
I guess that has been true about almost everything in the last two years.
But at least I know the turkey will be good.
and afterall, it is all about the food.

Form Follows Function

I have a lot of plans, dreams, micro projects, huge projects, hopeful projects all competeing for my limited resources. I am sure many other women (and men) struggle with the same dilemma. This year I feel slower- sluggish and prone to escape into myself. I think it is just a feature of overwhelm and something that I can conquer if I just use some of the tools and thinking I have done to move things step by step.

I want to focus on making the restaurant the best it can be. But I am split many ways. I think it is time to start a more regular weekly plan of what needs doing and when I will be in Kimono to get those things done. Perhaps it is partly Feb. blues too. I get hit by those- but this year Jan. was pretty stalled in some ways too. I need to be clear with myself about what I want. I have never struggled with who I am and who I want to be- but sometimes I am caught in wanting too many things to happen all at once.

Plus having a puppy this year has been a constant joy but a real readjustment. more than any other dog or pet I had years ago- this one I feel the dependency both as a difficult daily task and a luscious loving obligation. I know my friends mostly have children- and Archie is just my dog. But a lot of the feelings of responsibility are similar if less serious.  In any case having him and a baby-business is a juggling show.

I need to decide my functions each morning and the form my actions need to take will follow.

September Blur

I feel a bit laid low. I was looking forward to september but it ended up kind of hitting me like a ton of bricks. It is the 17th already and this is the first time I have been to the blog. The reasons are varied. Busy, and stressed. Too much, too little, too difficult, too too too...

About a week ago calamity struck. Of my own doing sadly. For years I have had a bad habit of carrying around impt stuff in my hands and putting it down in bad places and forgetting it. You may see where this is going. Last wed. we had a big typhoon here in Tokyo and the rain was something to be seen! In the midst of the storm I was headed from the bank to my gig recording for the Tokyo Metpod. I hopped in a cab carrying a plastic zipper bag which held my bank books, ID, a credit card and my beloved iphone. I got out of the cab 6 blocks later and did not get a receipt (which is unlike me) leaving the bag of all my important stuff behind. There was also cash inside. So far one week later no good samaritan has turned it in and I spent a week scrambling to replace and cancel stuff and feeling dumb and depressed. BUT hopefully a lesson was learned. Cause if I do this again (sadly this is NOT the first time) then I just give up!

The company struggle goes on. On the upside, the food is good, the customers are happy and we are getting some new business. On the Down Side, we are not getting ENOUGH new business yet. And I am trying to focus on sales sales sales. Some good nibbles in the last week. Our biggest struggle is labor cost. When I set up salaries etc I based it on a sales projection that has not materialized in the sluggish economy. So we can't really afford to pay the amazing people we have. This is a major heartbreak for me. So I am focusing on trying to see if we can get viable by end of year- and at that point look at options in terms of restructuring and moving forward. This small biz owner stuff is hard.

So the first 17 days of Sept. have passed in a blur of thinking and planning and recovering.

The weather has finally gotten nice no longer scorchingly humidly disgustingly hot. And I am feeling positive inspite of the struggle. If you have a chance, send some good karmic thoughts our way. And hopefully I can get back to enjoying my blog again.