It Will Be Ok

Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)- #reverb10

It may sound defeatist but I certainly don't mean it that way. The biggest help for healing in 2010 is that the sheer volume of what was coming at me was such that there was no way to deal with it all. I am still raw and overwhelmed from the mental cuts and bruises BUT it taught me an important lesson.

It is ok. I will be ok. I have friends and family that will stand with me. I can fail and get up again. I can just explain that it is just not possible for me to do X Y OR Z and life goes on.

I was healed by the knowledge that not being successful all the time, or on top of it all - all the time will not be the end of the world. It will not end my connections, it will be ok. That has been such a liberating lesson. It does not make the failure hurt less, it does not make it much easier to have to apologize for not being or doing what people need me to be or do 24/7, but that is pain I can deal with, the fear of failure is worse than the pain of failure. The amorphous worry wears me down more than facing up to what I can and can't do.

This was definitely a drip by drip evolution. I went into 2010 still trying to pretend that this was going to be easy. I am ending the year knowing that it is not. But it was a long road of getting knocked down and struggling back up. I am not there yet, and some days it is easier to remember that it will be ok, and some days it is not.

In 2011 I hope to be healed in ways that bring out some deep beauty and joy. This has felt like a year of something "about to happen." I think 2011 will be a year of happenings. I seem poised for something. Not sure what... but it feels intriguing and not scary.